“Hey, do you know what is the most romantic thing to do?”
“What?”
“What we are doing now,” I whispered.
We both laughed bitterly and dryly under the sky with shining stars scattered all over. It was funny enough for us to tear for it; it was sad enough too for us to tear for it, but none of us had the courage to do so. We were like participating in a competition, in which we absolutely did not want to lose to each other. While continuing her emulative sarcastic laugh, my opponent, who stood beside me, stepped a fewsteps behind, and then sat on the floor. Without the need to look at her face hiding under the black hood, I immediately knew that she was staring at the culpable night sky. I chose to copy her movement, sitting toward the small silhouette of hers.
It had been numerous nights since we met and watched the stars together. However, I only knew alittle, or nearly nothing about her. She was a traveler before coming to this stargazing tower. The black cloak with the hood covering her head always made her look like a ghost half melting into the darkness. Since she was almost a head shorter than me; I guessed she was a few years younger than me. However, I certainly could not confirm that she was around fifteen years old just by looking at her height. Unfortunately, her voice could not help as a hint; it was somewhat high for a boy, but somewhat low for a girl. That was why it was hard to tell her gender too. The only reason I assumed her to be a girl was that the picture of me staying with a girl seemed better than having two guys staring at each other the whole night. Of course, I did not tell her about my guesses.
Besides, there was still one thing that I knew clearly about her – clear enough to call it as a fact.
We did not like each other.
I did not like her, and she did not like me. Just like everything was predecided, we made that consensus right after our first meeting, when asking each other the reason to come up to this remote stargazing tower. I still remembered how I spent minutes telling her that my father was the manager of the place, which was actually true. Nonetheless, the next second after my explanation, she penetrated the superficial excuse and did not believe me. Indeed, she was right. The little fact did not equal to the reason of coming here. The invisible pressure from her forced me to tell the whole unbelievable story, and in exchange, she returned a story. Only by that time, I discovered that our answers were so nonsensically opposite, yet ridiculously similar.
Both of us were born under the cursed special stars. Dead Star, it was the name of the star that corrupted my whole life. My father used to tell me how the star with the absurd name shone like a huge diamond when I was born, though I knew that I could not even borrow a little from its brightness and share it with my future. Anyway, to put it in short, the next time when the same star rose, I would die within a day.
On the other hand, for the ghost-like person, or the girl, the problem was on a star named the Living Star. When the Living Star, which supposed to rise every night, failed its task in the sky, it would be her time of death, she said.
That was the reason I came to my father’s stargazing tower every night. That was the reason she visited this stargazing tower in the middle of nowhere every night. That was the reason that brought us to the top of this stargazing tower every night, looking for our stars.
“I want to know when I will die,” I told her.
“I want to know when I am alive,” she told me.
After we heard the reasons from each other, our first reaction was to scoff at it. I argued that there was no need to feel alive by gazing at a star that just rose every night like every other normal star. She claimed there was no point to sentence my death by chasing a star that I did not even remember how it looked like. Our endless conflict began since the night.
Until this day, we still held the same opinions; none of us made any concession. That was why we could never really get along.
Nonetheless, we still chatted with each other, because life up here was too boring; it was one of the ways we used to eliminate the loneliness. Sometimes I would also secretly look for her star. My star, if it appeared, would be the shiniest star in the sky, so it would not be hard to find it even when I looked to other directions. Her star was different; its light was so dim that it was almost not there. There was one time that she pointed the star out for me, and I spent quite a while until I eventually saw the weak purple light hanging on the universe above us. It was a weird star in many ways. Althoughit was so hard to be seen, if we tried hard, we still could see it despite how bad the weather was, as if it was telling us that we could never escape the shackles from the stars.
We sat and watched the star until the first stroke of sunshine finally appeared. Nothing happened, and we were used to it. I opened my mouth, letting the winter white vapor come out from my mouth.
“Hey, did you hear that we are having a shooting star tomorrow? I mean, today?”
She stood up from theground, showing indifference.
“How many?”
“Just one,” I answered.
She did not reply; I guessed she had totally no interest in it. That was how I felt when my father told me the news. The falling of a random star was not special. I could notremember if I had seen any shooting star before, but definitely not after she joined my stargazing. We had been observing the stars together for too manynights; we were almost sick of it. It was a pity that what was worth looking forwere our cursed stars.
Our only hopes were the stars that decided our destiny.
*
The night for the shooting star was extremely cold.
“Hey, do you know? Sometimes I have the idea that…”
After lying on the ground for quite a while, I started to say something. Even though it was freezing out here, I could not guarantee if I would fall asleep. I did not know how she could lie down silently and not fall asleep without doing anything. She must bemore tired than I was, because she had to keep confirming where her Living Star was with her naked eyes. The great determination was necessary for her to makesure that she was alive, but was the whole process really necessary?
None of us mentioned the shooting star on this day. If a random shooting star represented our hope, we had perhaps already given upon seeking for hope. What was really important was our present, and how we spent the remaining time. Unfortunately, I could not even finish my previous proud proposal, which I planned to start the nightly conversation, as she interrupted it.
“You have the idea that you wish you can jump down from the tower to the grassland down there and die so that you don’t have to worry about when you will die with that smashed body. You basically say that stupid idea every night.”
“I did not say that every night.”
“You did.”
“See, when it rains, I say ‘I wish I could jump down from the tower to the water down there and drown; and when it snows, I say ‘I wish I could jump down from the tower to the snow down there and be buried by the snow.’”
That was what we did, and what our life was about. Stargazing every night, no matter which kind of weather.
“They are basically the same disgusting ideas.”
There was a strong disgust towards me from the tone of her quick conclusion. It drew my attention back to the person lying beside me. If I were able to see her face hidden in the darkness, it would definitely be a face with rolling eyes, I guessed.
I extended my arms high up to the sky, pretending to pick the stars. The low temperature made my fingers tremble, but at least it was not snowing. Perfect weather for watching shooting star, just kidding, perfect weather to look at all the stars on the sky. Twinkle twinkle littlestars, shining like the resplendent tears on the sky. Beautiful yet merciless. I had never learned to recognize which star was which, except for her star.
“Seriously, why are you not dead?” She asked.
That was a question that I sometimes asked myself too. Nobody knew it more than I did. If there were someone that could have the same answer as mine, then it must be her. I tried to draw a smile on my face.
“The same answer as why you are alive,” I answered.
Because our stars still worked normally as usual.
I did not know when they would stop working. The next meeting? After this winter? Three years later?Many years after when we became old people? Or did we have to wait here nightby night forever?
We were only the humans waiting for death and life.
“Hey,” I tried to call her.
“What?” She questioned impatiently.
“I wish I could just die by starving here.”
“If you are hungry, go and get food downstairs, you son of stargazing tower.”
“But I don’t want to go all the way down to get food…” I replied.
Of course she would never help me to do something like going inside for me. Our dislike towards each other was the primary rule; nothing could pass the line. I searched for her Living Star again. The small light point was still staying at the far edge of the sky, releasing the weakest light I had ever seen. Why could I not tellstraightly that she was alive, right beside me? Why did we all need to look at the star in order to tell it?
I lowered my finger; it covered the tiny purple star. It was really easy to block it, wasn’t it?
“Hey…”
“What? You are stranger than usual. Stop calling me so many times.”
“Have you heard of the legend about shooting star?”
Finally, I squeezed the sound from my body and raised the topic of the shooting star, although I thought it was kind of useless. However, for some reason, I felt that I should not miss the useless opportunity. We were weak enough anyway. At least we should have the freedom to enjoy every opportunity.
“…The one that says ashooting star means someone’s death?” She was a little confused.
“Not that one, although it might be true if the one falling is your star,” I explained, trying to remove the unnecessary feelings from my tone. “I meant the saying that it makes a wish come true.”
“What are you trying tosay?”
“Nothing. Just suddenly remembered it…sort of…” I looked away from her, though I knew she was not even looking at me.
The girl did not answer.
“The name of this coming shooting star is Miracle,” I added with a sense of guilt, which I did not know where the guiltiness came from.
No answer from her again.
“…What I am trying to say is, wouldn’t it be nice if we can make a wish to the shooting star?”
Initially I wanted toask what would she wish to the shooting star, but I thought it would be a silly question. There was a gasp in the cool air, then followed by a complete long silence. When I almost gave up waiting for the response, the voice appeared beside me, which was even weaker than the light of the Living Star.
“Why?” She asked.
“Because we are superstitious,” I smiled bitterly at the sky. I did not know how many expressions like this I had made in my life. Countless times. Nonetheless, it would probably be the first time for me to be so honest.
“Because we still have the ability to believe. Because we are still alive. Because we…”
My voice became weaker and weaker, almost similar to hers, and I was not able to continue it.
A dazzling shootingstar fell through the sky, almost cutting the sky into half before I ran out of any of the reasons. Miracle. If there was one moment that I wanted to save formy entire life, it must be this moment.
“Did you see that?” My voice was almost dried.
“Of course, my eyes were born for stargazing, same as yours,” she said with full sarcasm.
“Were you able to make a wish?”
Our time froze in the cold moment. I wondered what kind of expression was on her face.
“Of course.”
Her unique neutral voice was surprisingly soothing. Perhaps I had been hoping she could return that answer; that would explain why I still wanted to talk about the shooting star when I had given up to make a wish for myself. She continued speaking; the words imprinted deeply one by one onto my soul – if I had any.
“Since I hate you and your opinions so much, I made a wish to make that Dead Star never come up. So you will shut your mouth and never talk about the boring worries of death.”
The words told in flat tone brought my mind into blank. I had to spend a few seconds to think about what she had just said. It was not easy to digest, like a piece of frozen chocolate that was hard to melt. After finally realizing what happened, I covered my face withmy hand. In this way I could not see anything, including the stars.
Then, I started to laugh crazily, using all the energy I saved for the later night. The echo of my laughter resonated in thedarkness decorated by the star pieces.
It was now the turn for the girl, who told me an unpredictable answer, to be shocked by my mad action. She must be so confused, and did not know what to think at this point. With my body curling on the floor, I faced the dark shadow of hers. My stomach hurt, but there was something that Ineeded to tell her. I put my hand back to the floor, and licked my lips, trying to adjust my breath from the laughter.
“…I should have known it…I made a wish too…You know what? Because I hate you and your action so much, I made a wish to let that whatever Living Star to hang on the sky forever. So I won’t have to see you looking for that micro star like a lost child!”
Even though we both knew it was useless.
We still did it, forthe person that accompanied us for every night’s stargazing.
The small body began tomove – it curled like mine. She was laughing, as crazily and as hardly as I did. We all laughed together for such a long time, I did not know during that time if my star had risen, or her star had fallen or not. The only thing I knew was that I laughed so badly and it caused tears to flow out from my eyes and travel along my face.
“Nothing is going tochange, right?” She rubbed her eyes under the hood.
“Maybe,” I said. “But maybe our wishes will come true too.”
“And if they come true…”
“We probably will never die.”
I nodded.
“What is this?” She complained. “I don’t like this ending.”
“I agree, but if wehave to choose one, it will definitely be…”
“The second one,” we both said it at the same time.
At least living forever would give us the time that was long enough to look for another shooting star to make another wish. In the worse case that the wishes did not come true, we would still need to stay at this stargazing tower every night to continue ouroriginal missions.
“That’s why I said nothing is going to be changed.”
“I will prepare food and drink for tomorrow night.” I shrugged.
She scoffed at it.
And also, there was one new possibility added that the star we were looking for would be the same one –I was sure that she knew about it too. We were still superstitious.
“You better be excited for it.”
“Why?”
“Who knows, maybe because stargazing is the most romantic thing to do,” I told my companion in my softest voice.
「吶，妳知道最浪漫的事是什麼嗎？」
「是什麼？」
「就是我們現在正在做的事。」我輕聲道。
幾乎是同時，我們倆朝著佈滿星星的夜空乾渴地苦笑。對我們來說，那實在是——
滑稽得足以為之哭泣。
悲傷得足以為之哭泣。
然而我們並沒有哭泣的勇氣。
我們就猶如參加了早已無法退出的遊戲，完全不想輸給彼此。
站在我身邊的這位對手在不服輸地笑出聲的同時，退後了幾步，接著順勢坐到地上。無需看到她那藏在黑色兜帽下的臉，我也知道她正和往常一樣，凝視著那罪惡的夜空。我決定模仿她的舉動，屈膝坐到那小小的身影邊。
自我們兩人一起觀星以來已經過了無數個夜晚。然而，關於她的事，我還可說是一知半解。
不，或許什麼也不知道也說不定。
在來到這座觀星塔之前，她曾經是一個旅行者，這點從她身上的裝扮就可看出來。擋風用的斗篷和輕便的行李，這些就是她每晚帶來這觀星塔的東西。就我觀察，罩在她身上的黑色斗篷總是讓她看起來像半融進黑暗中的鬼魅。
她比我還要矮一個頭，所以我猜她大概小我幾歲。不過當然，以身高就判斷她大概在十五歲左右什麼的還是不夠。很不巧，她的聲音也無法成為任何提示用的線索。那個人的嗓音以男生來說偏高，以女生來說卻又偏低一些。拜此所賜，我很難判斷出她到底是男還是女的。
目前我當她是女的理由只有一個——
我只是很純粹地覺得，我和一個女孩子待在一起的畫面總比兩個男的一整晚互瞪還要好。
當然，我從來沒有告訴她這些私底下的猜測。
我也從來沒開口問她過我的猜測是否正確。
因為我還清楚知道另一件關於她的事，清楚到足以稱它為事實。
——我們都不喜歡彼此。
我不喜歡她，她也不喜歡我。猶如早就註定般，我們在第一次見面那時，在問彼此來到這座偏遠觀星塔的理由那時就已經做出了這個共識。我還記得我當初如何耗費脣舌告訴她說我的父親是這座塔的管理員，結果她在我解釋完畢的下一秒就戳破那個膚淺的理由，並拒絕相信我。
就那點而言，她是正確的。
即使我告訴她的是事實，那也不等於我每晚來到這塔頂的理由。她身上散發出的無形壓力迫使我在那晚托出了那個令人難以置信，關於我的故事。而作為交換，她也告訴了我發生在她身上，屬於她自己的故事。
直到那時我才發現，我們的答案是如此離奇地相反，卻又如此可笑地相似。
「你還在笑啊？」身旁的聲音在此時響起。那是現在的她的聲音。
「對啊。你知道我剛才在想什麼嗎？」
「怎麼可能知道。」被斗篷遮住的頭部有一瞬間轉向我這裡，但是馬上專注回那片星空上。「而且我也不想知道。」
我正在回想過去喔——說了又會被她瞪吧。
導致我們不得不來這觀星的過去。
導致我們不得不放棄觀星的過去。
一切只因我們兩人都是在被詛咒的星星之下誕生的。
死之星——那就是在我出生時突然出現在天空，將我的人生搞得一團糟的星星。根據某個古老的預言，只要下次這顆死之星升起時，我將會在那一天內死去。記得我的父親以前常常向我形容說那個擁有可笑之名的星星在我出生那晚是多麼地閃耀，就猶如鑽石一樣。每當他那麼說時，我就會心想，要是那顆星星能分一些光亮給我的未來就好了。
至於對那個鬼魅一般的人，或是那個女孩來說，問題則是出在一顆叫做生之星的星星。雖然類似我的情況，但她的情況卻又完全相反。只要那顆每晚升起的生之星不再履行它的職務，那將會是那個女孩的死期。
那就是我每晚來到我父親的觀星塔的理由。那就是她來到這座位於荒涼地區的觀星塔的理由。那就是我們聚集在這座觀星塔上的理由——找尋屬於我們的星星。
「我想知道我什麼時候會死。」我這麼告訴她說。
「我想知道我什麼時候活著。」她這麼告訴我說。
當我們得知彼此的理由後，第一個反應就是嗤之以鼻。我主張說根本沒有必要為了感受活著而去看一顆像其他星星一樣每晚升起的星星。她則反擊說我根本沒有必要因為一顆我從來沒有看過的星星就宣判我的死刑。自那晚起，我們無止盡的爭執就開始了。
直到今天，我們還是站在同樣的立場，誰也不肯讓步。這就是為什麼我們永遠都不能好好相處。
然而，我們偶爾還是會互相聊天，畢竟在這上面的生活實在是太無聊了——那是我們唯一能排解寂寞的方法。
「⋯⋯」我再度瞄了她一眼。如雕像般一動也不動的她絲毫沒有再看過來的意思。
即使搭話也不見得會有回應。
時機不對嗎？
我嘆了口氣，聽著自己心臟的緩慢鼓動聲，望向佈滿星點的天空。
有時候我也會悄悄地找尋找她的那顆星星。我的星星如果出現的話，會是天空中最閃亮的星星，所以就算我看向其它地方，找起來也毫不費事。她的星星就不同了。它的光芒微弱到幾乎難以察覺它在空中。她有一次指出她的星星給我看，我花了很長的時間才看到那顆在我們頭頂上的宇宙散發微弱紫光的星星。那是一個不管在哪方面來說都很奇怪的星星。無論它有多難被找到，只要我們努力尋找，不論在什麼天氣情況下都能找到那顆星星。那簡直就像是在告訴我們說，我們是逃不了被這些星星束縛住的宿命的。
我們就這麼一直坐著觀星，直到太陽的第一道金黃曙光照映到周圍的白霧。什麼事都沒有發生，宣告死亡的鐵錘沒有落下，而我們也對此司空見慣。我張開嘴巴，讓冬天的白色水氣與促使自己心跳加速的話語從嘴中冒出。
「嘿，妳有聽說明天會有流星出現嗎？我是指，今天？」
她從地板上站起，即使聽到我的話也毫不動搖。
「有多少？」
「只有一個。」我回答。
不是流星雨，而是單獨一顆流星。不知道上面觀星組織的人是怎麼知道的。但是事到如今就算再不可能的事情發生，我也不會感到意外。
她沒有回應，我猜她一點興趣也沒有。當父親跟我轉達這個消息時，我也有著一模一樣的反應。陌生星星的落下一點都不特別。我不記得自己以前有沒有看過流星，但至少在她加入我觀星以後絕對沒有。我們一起觀星的夜晚已經太多了，多到令人厭煩的程度。
諷刺的是，唯一值得我們追尋的是我們那些被詛咒的星星。
＊
在流星即將出現的這個夜晚，天氣異常地冷。
「嘿，妳知道嗎？我有時候會想——」
躺在地板上一段時間後，我試著說些什麼。雖然這裡冷得幾乎要把我凍僵，我還是不能保證自己不會睡著。我不知道她是怎麼做到安靜地躺在那裡不做任何事，卻不會睡著的。照理說她應該要比我累得多才對，因為她得一直用肉眼確認她的那顆生之星在哪裏。那份強大的
堅持對證明她還活著這件事是必要的，但是這整個過程，整個證明活著的方法真的是必要的嗎？
「你有時候會想，你希望你能就這麼從塔頂跳到下面的草地而死，然後你那個被摔爛的身體就不用思考自己什麼時候會死了。你基本上每天晚上都在說這件事。」
「我才沒有每天都在說這件事。」我喃喃道。
「你有。」
「哪有。下雨天的時候，我說的是『我希望我能就這麼從塔頂跳到下面的水裡然後淹死』。還有下雪的時候，我說的是『我希望我能就這麼從塔頂跳到下面的雪堆，然後被雪埋葬』。」
這就是我們的生活。
不論在什麼樣的天氣，我們還是會每晚來到這裡觀星。
「還不都是一樣噁心的想法。」
從她快速定下的結論中感受得到她對我的強烈厭惡。這也使得我把注意力放回了正躺著的那女孩身上。如果我能看見她藏于黑暗中的臉，那一定是對我翻著白眼的臉，我猜的。
我將自己的手臂高舉在天空，假裝自己正在摘採空中的星星。外面的低溫冷得讓我的手指開始顫抖，但至少不是降雪中。簡直是觀看流星的最佳天氣——開玩笑的，是觀看所有星星的最佳天氣才對。一閃一閃亮晶晶，星星閃耀得像璀燦的淚水一樣，美麗而無情。我從來不認得哪個星星是哪個，除了她的星星。
今晚我們之中還沒人提到流星。如果一顆突然冒出來的流星就能代表我們的希望的話，我們或許早已放棄尋求希望。真正重要的是現在，是我們如何度過剩餘的時間。
「說真的，你怎麼還沒死？」她問道。
那是我也常常對自己問的問題。沒有人比我還要更了解它。如果有人能夠得出和我一樣的答案，那絕對是身旁的她。我試著在臉上劃出笑容。
「跟妳還活著的原因一樣。」我回答。
因為我們的星星還像平常一樣運作著。
我不知道它們什麼時候會停止運作。下一次會面的時候？這個冬季結束後？三年後？當我們都變成老人的多年後？還是我們要永遠在這裡每晚又每晚地等下去？
我們終究只是等著生與死的人類而已。
什麼也不能做，渺小的人類。
因為我們無法打破自己被限制的命運。
「嘿。」我試著叫她。
「什麼？」她不耐煩地回答道。
「我希望我能就這麼在這邊餓死。」
「如果你餓了的話，就直接去樓下拿點吃的。明明是觀星塔的孩子。」
在這座石建高塔的下面是我們家儲備糧食的地方，有時候父親也會提供一些食物招待給遠道而來觀星的客人。但是通常來到這裡的人少之又少，加上這個女孩從來沒有說過肚子餓之類的話，我就沒把食物帶上來了。結果今天反而餓的是我自己。
「可是我又不想走到底下⋯⋯」我回答。
當然，她也不是那種會幫我做些什麼的人，更別提幫我到樓下拿食物了。我從一開始就不抱什麼期望。我們對彼此的厭惡是第一原則，誰都不能越過那條線。
我再次找尋她的生之星。那小小的光點依舊待在天際的邊緣，釋放出我見過最微弱的亮光。為什麼我就不能直接說她正活著，正待在我的身邊呢？為什麼我們一定要看著天上的星星才能這麼說呢？
我將手指移下，蓋住微小的紫色星星。很容易就能夠擋住它了，不是嗎？
「嘿⋯⋯」
「又幹嘛？你比平常還要奇怪耶。不要叫我叫得那麼多次。」
「妳聽過流星的傳說嗎？」
終於，我從身體擠壓出聲音，在今晚首度提起關於流星的話題——雖然我認為自己提起的那道話題幾乎是無用的。對我與她來說，絕對沒有什麼事比自己的星星還要重要。然而，因為某些莫名的原因，我覺得我不應該浪費這無用的機會。我們已經足夠弱小了，所以我們至少也應該擁有享用所有機會的自由。
「你說的是那個流星代表某人的死亡的傳說？」她感到有些困惑，語氣中聽得出些丁點迷茫。
「不是那個。雖然如果落下來的是妳的星星那就沒錯啦。」我解釋道，試著將多餘的感情從我的語調中移除。「我是說實現願望的那一個。」
「你到底想說什麼？」
「沒什麼。只是突然想起來⋯⋯大概吧⋯⋯」我把目光從她身上移開，即使我知道她根本沒有在看我。
女孩沒有回答。
「那個新來的流星名字叫『奇蹟』。」我帶著些罪惡感地說出先前得來的情報，儘管我也不知道那份罪惡感到底是從哪來的。
結果一樣的，我沒有從她哪裡得到任何回應。
吸了一口氣幾乎要將肺部凍結的空氣後，我將這兩天一直深埋藏在心中的話語以不自然的速度說出來。
「⋯⋯我想說的是，如果我們能向流星許願的話，不是很棒嗎？」
我本來想問她會對流星許什麼願望，但恐怕那是一個愚蠢的問題。
倘若流星真的能實現願望，那麼——
在冰冷的空氣中傳來一陣嘆息聲，接下來伴隨著的是長久的沈默。當我幾乎要放棄等待回應時，聲音在我旁邊響起，比生之星的亮光還要微弱。
「為什麼？」她問。
「因為我們兩個都很迷信。」我對著黑藍的天空苦笑。我不知道自己這輩子已經做出多少這種表情了。無數次。然而，這可能是我第一次那麼誠實。
「因為我們都還有能力去相信。因為我們都還活著。因為我們⋯⋯」
我的聲音變得越來越弱，幾乎和她的一樣微弱。為什麼沒有辦法完成自己的話語呢？明明是必須傳達到的。
在我努力運轉快被凍僵的腦袋找到更多其它理由之前，一顆炫目的星星在眼前隕落，以希望般的光芒將原本天空劃為兩半。
——奇蹟。
如果能夠有拯救自己的瞬間，那一定是這個時候。
「妳看到了嗎？」因為驚訝而產生的我的聲音近乎乾渴。啊啊，為什麼有種要哭出來的感覺呢？
「⋯⋯當然啊，我的眼睛可是為了觀星而存在的，你的也是。」她用充滿諷刺的語調說。
「妳有許願嗎？」
我們的時間隨著我的追問就這麼凍結在這冰冷的瞬間，就連呼吸也好像會將我們的存在打碎似的。現在的她臉上究竟是什麼表情呢？
「當然。」
她的獨特中性聲音響起時，意外地讓人安心。或許是因為我一直在希望她能夠回以那個答案吧。這也解釋了為什麼我早已放棄向流星許願，卻還時不時地提起那顆流星的事。
我其實一直在祈禱著，那個人能夠許願讓——
身旁的女孩不打算讓我沉浸在自己的思想裡，繼續開口打斷我的思緒。那些字眼一個接著一個深深烙印在我的靈魂上——如果我有任何靈魂的話。
「因為我超級痛恨你還有你的荒唐想法，我許了個願，讓那個死之星永遠不會升上。這樣你就可以閉上你的嘴巴，然後永遠不會再說那些關於死亡的無聊煩惱了。」
平淡語調訴說的字詞為我的腦帶去一片空白。我必須花上好幾秒才能理解她剛才在說什麼。那段宣言很難消化，就像難以融化的冰凍黑色巧克力一樣。即使如此，我也還是將它硬吞下去。在完全理解消化內容後，我用手蓋住了自己的臉龐——漆黑一片，什麼東西都看不見了，就連那些星星也是。
居然——
居然是這樣啊。
笑聲從我半開的嘴裡瀉出，漸漸地變得越來越大聲。我開始用盡我所有預留給當晚的精力瘋狂地大笑。笑聲的回音在被星塵點綴的黑暗中不斷迴響著。
現在輪到那個給我意想不到答案的女孩被我瘋狂的行徑嚇一跳了。她一定感到很困惑，不知道現在該說些什麼。我的身體在地上捲曲，然後看向她那黑色的身影。笑得肚子好痛，但是我一定得告訴她那件事，不得不告訴她才行。
我將自己的手放到地上，舔了下自己的嘴脣，試著將自己的呼吸從笑聲中緩和下來。聲音已經因為滿斥的感情而變了調。
「⋯⋯我早就該知道的才對⋯⋯我也許了個願望⋯⋯妳知道嗎？因為我超痛恨妳還有妳的想法，我許了讓生之星永遠掛在天空的願望。這樣我就不用看見妳每晚像一個迷路的孩子一樣找那顆迷你星了。」
完全一樣，卻又完全相反的答案。
儘管我們都知道那是無用的。
我們還是為了每晚陪伴著我們觀星的人許下了願望。
不久後，那小小的身軀開始移動——然後像我一樣在石造地板上捲縮成一團。她在笑，笑得和我一樣瘋狂。我們兩個一起笑了很久，我甚至不知道在那段期間內我的星星有沒有升起過，還是她的星星有沒有落下過。我只知道我笑得太過用力，以致眼淚開始從我的眼睛中流出，在冰冷的臉頰上留下熾熱的痕跡。
「什麼事都不會改變，對吧？」她擦拭兜帽底下的眼睛。
「或許吧。」我說。「但是也許我們的願望會實現。」
「如果它們實現的話⋯⋯」
「我們搞不好就永遠不會死了。」
我在石磚地板上點頭，頭髮和地板摩擦發出窸窣聲響。
不會升上的死之星與不會沈下的生之星，與原來的預言相反，是否就代表我們的死期永遠不會到來呢？不，搞不好我們會在永遠不會到來的死期前就死亡也說不定。誰知道呢？
但是我是不會後悔的。
「這算什麼？」她把笑聲收起來輕聲抱怨道。「我不喜歡這種結局。」
「我同意，但是如果我們非得擇一的話，那當然要選——」
「後者。」我們兩個在綴滿星點的黑夜中同時說出口。
至少活到永遠代表我們有足夠的時間來尋找另一顆流星來實現另一個願望。最糟糕的情況就是，我們還是必須得每晚待在這個觀星塔來執行我們原本的任務。我們將會等待下次流星的出現，等到下次奇蹟的發生。
我們兩人將會一直在這裡觀星。
「所以我才說什麼東西都不會改變嘛。」
「我明天會準備吃的和喝的。」我聳聳肩。
她嗤之以鼻。
而且，雖然我沒有說出來，但其實還有一個新的可能性——我們要尋找的星星將會是同一個。
我確定她也知道這一點。
因為我們兩個都很迷信。
即使夜空中的丁點光芒不足以照亮塔頂，我還是彷彿了看見躺著面向我的她眼中泛著的微弱星光——那是她還活在世上的證據。在她的眼中，躺在此地的我看起來又是怎樣的呢？
我們的關係是否因為「奇蹟」而改變了些什麼？
我緩緩地鬆開抿著的嘴唇。
「妳最好期待一些。」
「為什麼？」
「誰知道？有可能是因為觀星是最浪漫的事。」我用我最輕柔的聲音向我的夥伴說道。
創作內容
Zean（十六夜文藝創作交流區） (11)
