【English Channel】I Write and Write and Get Lost

I can't believe I've been writing for a month.

If it's in English, then it's unsurprising because I've been writing in English for nearly a year, since the beginning of my university life, that is. However, the thing that surprises me the most is that I've been writing a majority of my articles in this place IN CHINESE, the language that I'm not very good in.

When I was still quite fresh in this place, I did mention that I'm not very good at writing in my mother language, particularly because I can't type and I have been putting so much effort in English that my Chinese language skills has gotten a little rusty. Originally, I thought (or rather, I planned) that after finishing my projects (The background settings stuff), it will be the end of the resurgence of Chinese usage for me, but as things unfold, it was not the case.

It's been a month now and I've started a new corner here, which meant I have another chance to write completely in Chinese. Now, this sounds fine up until the point when one factors my rusty Chinese skills into the equation and it becomes quite a problem. The thing is, this new corner (A Letter to KanColle Characters) is not just plain descriptive essay where I can put aside my emotions and write endlessly but rather another corner for me to vent my frustration or feelings about something (Sort of like English Channel but in Chinese) so unless I have very strong feelings about something that really motivates me to write, I will not be able to produce a quality job.

Over and over again, I have ideas that I want to write about (in the form of a letter) but as soon as I think about it in depth, it had become increasingly clear that I will just be embarrassing myself if I actually post it. So, many of my ideas went nowhere. And after writing two letters, I can already feel the quality of my articles are sort of in decline because I had begun to hurry to get the job done. The thing about essays that moves others is that you cannot simply write everything, you need to "decorate" your words and dazzle them with adjectives: Exactly the thing I suck at. I'm not a the sort of person that write in emotional ways. The way I write is to just present everything clearly without much mangling with my words, so that makes me pretty good at writing background information because all one needs is just present everything to your audience. However, as for writing stories and novels, you cannot just simply list out the storyline, can you?

And the problem was made worse by the fact that I'm writing in Chinese. Now, to be clear, it may seems like I'm having problems with my mother language but the reality is that I have trouble with Chinese only when I'm writing in Chinese. In terms of spoken Chinese (Cantonese), I have no trouble (Well, my Mandarin is very rusty, just to let you know). Anyway, the main difficulty I'm facing when I'm writing those letters is I can't find a proper descriptive word to convey the kind of feeling that I wanted my audience to feel, or maybe it's not strong enough. That is a problem that becomes increasingly obvious when you try to write a succeeding work to something you accidentally produced because the feeling could never be as strong as the original job.

So, that's the thing. In this period of time, I lacked no motivation to write particularly because I have nothing to kill my time so writing is a good way to accomplish that. The only obstacle is that, by writing so frequently (To me, that is), I have also begun to get lost in the vast ocean of words, both in English and in Chinese because I always jump back and forth between the two languages (I think in English and write in Chinese).